04 February 2010

On stress and foolhardy ventures.

Earlier today, somewhere between about three and four in the afternoon, I was sitting on campus playing a video game on the laptop and trying to make sense of a thousand external stimuli that had popped into my life all at once, trying to balance them, sort them, and get my mind to stop obsessing over them.

In the past week, I've interviewed several candidates for various radio projects I'm working on for the bigger Internet radio project, talked to actual local business leaders about my vision, made three new friends, in one of whom I have a budding romantic interest that may or may not pan out after my date this Saturday, done a project with four other members of my accounting class, had a stretch where I went nearly 48 hours without sleep, dug myself into a social hole with a group of people on campus who hitherto have relied on me to be their go-to guy but for whom I can no longer fill that role (and nobody's happy about it), been pushed to and past my limit twice, damn near managed to get my electricity shut off due to a snafu with a bill-payment system and a bank account I'd closed (gotta get that taken care of tomorrow), and ventured perilously close to a nervous breakdown from burnout in the process.

As well, I've managed to realize that there's still a lot of stuff I've got stuck in the corners of my mind that haven't quite sorted themselves out but may as well be live grenades in my brain.

Never before in my life have I been so many places on the emotional spectrum at the same time.  My sense of self was really revealed to me in a way with which I am not entirely comfortable.  All I can do in the meantime is hope that I don't blow it up before I can get it all sorted.  But after Tuesday was (for a variety of reasons) one of the best days I've had in a very long time, Wednesday couldn't possibly have gone any worse.  If my life was the stock market, it would've gone up 700 points on Tuesday and dropped 300 on Wednesday.  Who knows what's going to happen Thursday?

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