04 January 2010

The Anti-Honeymoon.

My ex-wife moved out on December 23.  Previous to that, there was about a two or three week stretch between when she said "I want a divorce" and when she finally left, and of that thirteen days were between the last day of finals (Dec. 10) and the aforementioned final split two days before Christmas.  As I write this, it is Monday morning, January 4.  Short version: It's been almost a month since I tended to any of my major responsibilities.

As such, I find myself in that mental-fog state that usually accompanies a very long vacation, as I've spent the bulk of the last 25 days playing video games all day...and all night...and sleeping in such a way that 25 calendar days may have passed but in terms of "circadian days", that is cycles of being awake and asleep irrespective of the time on the clock, the true number is closer to 18 or 19.  Anyway, my point is that I've been three weeks idle.

Now, when a newly married couple takes a couple of weeks to run off to some tropical paradise and fuck like rabbits and otherwise not have a care in the world, they call that a honeymoon.  When a newly-divorced guy holes up in his apartment in the dead of winter and eats way too many sandwiches from under the heat lamp at the gas station and burritos from the Del Taco a block away, plays Fallout 3, and spends about a grand total of seven hours in the company of other humans (over the course of three separate outings)?  I think "anti-honeymoon" is the only real way to describe that, no?

I will not say video games and junk food are better than sex.  I have a very short list of things that are better than sex, and most of them involve barbecue, which you can't get in Reno (at least not GOOD barbecue like the stuff you can get in the Jesus-and-NASCAR South, except at the Nugget Rib Cookoff Labor Day weekend.)  All the same, I've greatly enjoyed my anti-honeymoon.  For the first time since 2004 (which people in the know are aware I've called "the best year of my life"), I am wholly in control of my daily activities and answer to nobody.  If for this reason alone I am greatly looking forward to 2010.

In June of 2003, after my then-girlfriend of three years packed up her stuff and left in the middle of the night like the Baltimore Colts, my stepfather advised me that I shouldn't be seriously involved with people since I need more personal space than even the most understanding, generous woman could provide (case in point: my recently-deceased marriage).  Indeed, I have achieved much in life during those times when I've been unattached and uncommitted: 1998-99, 2003-04, and...2010 and beyond?  We shall see.


  1. Oh Fox, I'm so sorry about the break up of your marriage but I'm glad you're more or less self sufficient.

    Speaking from experience, divorce is always traumatic and it takes a while (often a year) to get over it.

    So hang in there, meditate but do seek human contacts and, if I may speak in lieu of your mother, please please stop eating the crappy food from under the heat lamp at the gas station: there might be gasoline and god knows what in it (the taco place might be somewhat safer...). Perhaps you could take up fine cooking as a hobby? You know what they say: the way to a woman's heart is through her tummy.....

    So have a good 2010 and keep on doing brilliantly at your studies.

  2. Fallout 3 is great therapy though! Oblivion was good but Fallout was better. Oh the guns and the murder, the death and destruction, the explosions and blowing up of cars... Ahhhh, I feel better already.

    Good luck, Fox.

  3. Hey Fox! I'm a serially-single, early-30s person who thrives on having muchas alone time. Have only had 2 boyfriends, a few date explorations, & all lead to me fleeing w/renewed joy & vigor to being single & not dating. That may not be the exact way for you, but I tell you I have no regrets about this way of life. Give it some time to get over the divorce & relearn to relish your freedom before jumping back into the sickening insanity that is dating.

  4. Jennifer, my hopes of perpetual singlehood fall short on two vital counts:

    One, I too greatly enjoy the company of a nice, warm, soft girl to be completely single all of the time. I don't know that I want to be in a serious relationship, but cheap one-night stands ain't gonna do it for me either. I think I'd do well to just have someone in my life I could see a couple of times a week, maybe have over on the weekend, y'know, the good things about having someone, but without giving up the essential character of my life alone on the other five days of the week.

    As for "get over the divorce"? I know everyone says it, but it is absolutely amazing how quickly and (relatively) painlessly my life has found its own level since the ex-wife moved out. I'd gotten so used to the constant stream of petty criticism and manipulation that I'd come to view it as "normal". Good riddance!


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